


Trapped In A Body That’s Not My Own

by CravingCraze



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor Lives AU, Connor deserved better, Fluff, Other, Trans Evan, evan Hansen stutters, nonbinary connor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 13:08:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18366653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CravingCraze/pseuds/CravingCraze





	Trapped In A Body That’s Not My Own

“Okay, so everybody ready to start?"

Evan shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He had decided to go to an LGBTQ+ Support Group at his school, which his mother was thrilled about. He however, didn't feel ready to open up about about being trans just yet.

Jared threw himself into the seat next to Evan. "Sup fuckers?"

Connor scowled as they sat on Evan's opposite side. "What're you doing here?"

"Believe it or not, I'm apart of the community, and a supporter as well! I have every right to be here," Jared leant back in his chair.

"He's also my ride.." Evan muttered.

 "I could've given you one," Connor mumbled, pouting slightly.

Evan shook his head, giggling. He took their hand and held it. "You can come to my house later, ok?" He kissed their hand afterwards. 

Connor blushed and smiled at him, "Fine. That's works I guess."

Evan smiled at his datemate and gave their hand a squeeze. He hadn't come out to them yet, mainly because of nerves, but he knew they'd support him. He just didn't feel ready. 

He turned his head to Alana, who greets everyone else who showed up to the meeting. From what he understood, Alana was the one who had set everything up and made the club herself. He found that admirable.

They started off the meeting by having a few people say their name, why they came, their sexuality, and their pronouns.

"I'm Jared, I'm here cause I wanna support my friends, I'm gay, and my pronouns are he/him," Jared said, winking to a blond haired junior with a red streak in his hair.

Evan reminded himself to hold in his nerves before speaking. He didn't wanna mess this up. "I'm, I'm Evan, I'm here because.. I w-wanted to be? Um, I'm pan and my pronouns are h-he/him."

Connor rubbed his hand affectionately before saying, "I'm Connor, I'm here cause I wanted to see what this was all about, I'm bisexual, and my pronouns are they/them."

The rest of the group did similar things. There was someone who was also trans and another who was gender fluid. Apparently Alana was lesbian, which wasn't something Evan expected, but he didn't mind. She then started to talk about how to make the school feel more safe for people who were still in the closet. They were going to start a fundraiser for stricter policies against discrimination in their classrooms. It got everybody excited, and Alana encouraged the others to do certain things to help support the group, like draw, or write, or create flyers.

"You should, um, you should draw stuff, for the club, Con.." Evan said quietly, watching the others talk.

Connor frowned and simply shrugged, "I don't think it'd make a difference."

"Well I like whatever you draw, and you can throw out whatever you don't like," Evan reasoned, patting their arm.

Connor grinned, "And who's to say you won't dig it out of the trash?"

Evan could only blush.

~*~

"You asshole!" Jared exclaimed after receiving a blue shell from Evan. Evan just laughed.

"Sorry Jared, I had it so I had to use it," he shrugged, flying past Jared's character.

Jared grumbled as he mashed the buttons on his Wii remote. "You'll pay for that, Hansen.."

Connor was laying comfortably in between his legs, watching the two race. "Evan's already pretty far ahead."

"C'mon, give me a red shell.. a mushroom, something!" Jared complained, but it was too late. Evan passed the finish line, securing his place in first. "Fuck! Nooo!"

Evan giggled, "I think the game loves me more."

"No, I love you more," Connor took one of his hands off of the remote, and kissed the top of it.

Evan suddenly became aware of the position Connor was in, which well, it didn't bother him, but he was worried they'd figure out he was trans. He wasn't sure how they would, it was just an irrational fear, but it wasn't that reassuring.

"Yeesh, you two really are lovey-dovey," Jared commented, watching as the next race started up.

Evan gently pried his hand away from Connor's, "I need this back now, please."

"I guess you can have for now, but I'm gonna have to fine you," Connor joked.

Evan smiled slightly and said, "I'll pay in kisses, okay?"

"Yes! My favorite kind of payment," Connor grinned, leaning back.

Jared shook his head as they started the race.

~*~

Evan wasn't exactly sure how he went from watching Moana with his datemate, to suddenly a full out makeout session. He assumed it was from his partner catching him staring at their lips, which was pretty embarrassing when he thought about it.

Things start to heat up from there, and Evan definitely felt nervous about everything going on, currently. When he felt a hand slide under his shirt, he quickly pulled out of the kiss and shoved Connor back so they'd stop.

Connor gazed at their boyfriend, confused and worried they did something wrong. They hope they didn't, because they'd never want to hurt Evan intentionally.

"Hey.. um, is- are you okay? No, that was a stupid thing to say. What's bugging you?" Connor settled for asking.

Evan didn't answer, he just hugged himself and avoided eye contact. That was close, too close, Connor had almost touched his binder. They almost found out Evan's secret, which he knew he had to had to tell them eventually, but coming out was terrifying. It wasn't easy coming out to his mom, so how could he come out to Connor? That.. was easier said than done, and even in his head, imagining it, wasn't easy. 

Connor wasn't sure how to handle this. While they wanted to go over to Evan and wrap him up in their alarms, they were worried it'd overwhelm him. ".. Evan?"

Evan glanced over at them. He was hugging his knees.

Connor sighed and crawled over to him. "If you don't wanna do that yet, I get it. Just.. tell me, please?"

Evan took a shaky breath. He'd tell them soon, he decided, but for now he'd just blame it on nerves.

"I'm just- I-I'm not ready. Yeah. It's not you- I-I promise! It's just anxiety and- and yeah- it really sucks," Evan managed to say.

"Can I.." Connor reached their hand out to hold Evan's. Evan nodded and took it.

"I was just.. overwhelmed. I'm okay. Really," he showed Connor a shy smile.

Connor seemed reluctant, but they believed him. "Well, if you say so, Ev." They carefully put an arm around his shoulders. Evan felt a little guilty since they felt they had to do that.

He knew he couldn't hide the truth forever.

~*~

 

This was it. The big day. The day he was finally taking the first step to coming out. 

Evan wanted it to be private, so he invited Connor over for a Marvel Marathon, so he'd be ready to go with his datemate to see Endgame. He distinctly remembered how excited Connor got over it, and how adorable they were, talking about all the movies they'd have to buy/rent. 

He had a bunch of snacks set out, some pillows on the couch, and big, fluffy blankets in case either of them got cold.

Then the doorbell rang, which made Evan jump, and hurry to open it. Connor was waiting outside, holding a bag full of marvel movies. He stepped aside to let them in.

"Okay, so we're starting off with Iron Man, because that was the first movie in the series, well, according to my memory and the internet at least," Connor said, going to set the bag down.

Evan let out a breath. He could do this. "Um.. C-Connor? I er, I need to tell you s-something."

Connor looked over at him with a bit of worry. They walked over to Evan and took his hands. "You can tell me literally anything you need to."

Evan gripped their hands tightly, telling himself silently to take his time, that Connor would be patient, that this was important, it would matter to them. They wouldn't be mad, he could do this. Everything would be okay.

"I- I'm, trans..." he said, as loudly as his voice would permit it, which was barely above a whisper.

Connor was silent at first, taking in the information they had received. Then, they made a small smile and kissed the top of Evan's head.

"Thank you.. for telling me. You might not believe it, but I'm really fucking proud of you," Connor carefully cupped his cheek.

Evan was a little surprised by that. ".. Proud?"

"Well yeah. I know from experience how hard it is to come out," Connor shrugged his shoulders lightly. "And uh.. I haven't been using the wrong pronouns for you, have I?"

Evan shook his head, "Nope. Y-you're good." He couldn't stop the smile from forming on his lips.

Connor went and sat down on the couch. "So if you don't mind me asking.. What surgeries have you done?"

Evan sat beside them and pulled the blanket on top of each other. "Um, none y-yet. I take pescription meds that lower my voice, but n-no surgeries, yet."

"Which'll you'll get first?" Connor put their arm around him.

"Top surgery. I al-almost have enough money from working at Pottery Barn," Evan smiled at the thought. 

"Ev!! Holy shit that's amazing!" Connor enthused. 

Evan giggled, "I think I'll be able to get it after my next paycheck, actually."

Connor fully hugged him this time. "That's fucking awesome!"

Evan hugged them back and relaxed into their hold. "I love you.."

"I love you too."

~*~

Connor was fairly concerned when Evan didn't show up to school. They tried asking Jared, but even he didn't know where Evan had gone. It was a little frustrating to them, but they reminded themselves that Evan might've taken a mental health day or something. Evan was fine. Connor had to keep telling themselves that just to keep them from racing out of class to call him.

Soon, lunch rolled by, and Connor felt their phone buzz. They fished it out of their pocket and looked at it.

**Ev <333: Ohmygod I'm sorry I forgot to text you this morning! I just got my surgery today and I'm done with it now (obviously). I'm staying until tonight so you can come visit me if you want.**

**Connor: I'll come after school.**

And that was exactly what they did.

After getting the okay from the nurse, Connor rushed up the stairs and to whatever room Evan was in. They peaked their head in and smiled.

"Hey.." Connor went to the chair by the bed and sat in it.

"Hi Con," Evan smiled lightly, sitting up. "I'm glad you could make it."

"How're you feeling?" They asked.

Evan thought, "I feel great, actually. I just.. I still can't believe today's finally come."

Connor went and took his hand, "I'm glad. What's next on your agenda?"

"Probably gonna get alienated. It costs a ton though," Evan blushed slightly.

"Then I guess I'm gonna have to buy a shit ton of stuff at pottery barn," Connor chuckled.

Evan raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't affect my paycheck, Con."

"Aw, damn it."


End file.
